1. The main character were robots. We watched R2D2 and C3PO for 20+ years through 6 heart wrenching, human forming years…and we barely got attached to them! Why in the world would we get attached to 2 robots who are holding hands just because the make human sounding bleeping and boinging and shrug their robotic soldiers and blink their LED eyes over the course of 80 boring minutes?!?
2. Is it just me, or is watching super obese people slide around on a spaceship because they’re to fat to move get old and uncomfortable?!? We get it. Orwell did it. Huxley did it. If we continue on our path we’re doomed. The thing is, they did it with a lot more thought and words and a lot less imagery. Picture 45 minutes of 400+ pound people hovering around in chairs (because they can’t walk), watching TVs less than 4 inches from their face, while sipping fast food through a straw. I guess they don’t really matter thought because I think the robots were the main characters (see point 1). Pixar or somebody must have done a good job with web patrol because, for the life of me, I can not find ONE image of these people from the entire movie on the entire WORLD WIDE WEB! Here is a pic of the hero, initiative taking captian though. It will give you a rough sketch.
3. The ending was lame. Sorry to blow it for you, but it was. 700 year after humans have left the planet they have ruined, they return to find evidence of photosynthesis which brings back the hope of dancing, oceans, and pizza plants? Sorry not compelling. I was more excited to watch a rat learn how to cook.
4. It was BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNG. There were no bad guys. There were no good guys. There was nothing to be sad about and nothing that was exciting. The climax of the movie was when the two robots put the pieces of metal together that were attached to their bodies, representing arms, in a quasi-romantic “hand” holding scene. If there was a plot, it alluded me.
Of course it wasn’t ALL bad. Here were 2 things I enjoyed.
1. Pixar did a great job introducing us to “robot world.” Wall E discovering and organizing the spork, the bra, the wedding ring (which he threw away because he found the flipping mechanism on the box to be more valuable. Unfortunately this all happened in the first 5 minutes of the movie.
2. M-O (Microbe Obliterator), one of the maintenance robots who cleans the filth in the ship and inspects incoming shipments for foreign contaminants. Basically this thing has one “objective”: to sweep up dirt It rolls around with a little sweeper thing picking up every speck that it finds. This robot would not have been that interesting except it reminded me of my wife, Kami. She spends most of her life following our kids around the house with a broom and dustpan. Here’s a picture of her:
And here’s a picture of the robot:
Oops, sorry! Switch those.
Please note the Angry Eyes in this picture. I see these 10 times a day at our house.
Maybe Kami needs one of these red flashing alert lights on her head like M-O