benCRAWFORDlife

Eliminate Tattle Taling [INFOGRAPH]

Ben — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 21:38:40 +0000

Explanation of INFOGRAPH

If you are a parent of multiple children, your children tell on each other….all…the…time. It goes something like this:

One child comes and tells you that another of your children broke a rule. Then our immediate response is to play detective, figure out which rules were broken, and try and enforce the rule that was broken with the child that broke the rule ….when we have the energy.

I’m starting to believe that the majority of parenting should be directed towards molding the hearts of our children. I have also come to believe that the majority of our energy is spent modifying behavior and surviving situations.

We are teaching our children that the state of their actions takes precedent over the state of their heart. To take the story of the prodigal son we are rewarding our children for being the rule following older son who respects the rules instead of the rule-breaking younger son. It’s not to say that rules are not important or should not be taught but there is a much more difficult and valuable lesson that underlies it all. The far greater lesson of this story and each instance with our children is the opportunity to present them with the love of the Father God and the impact that this has in giving us compassion and a desire to pass this love on. How do we do this?

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that dealing the VERY common instance of tattle tailing is the quickest way to undersand and implement change. And instead of facilitating and even encouraging children to come and turn other children in on the basis of rules we should start to look at the hearts of both children; the one doing the reporting and the reported.

Here’s a loose framework of the process with some notes in yellow but it all begins with the question of trying to understand the heart of the reporting sibling by asking “Are you trying to help or just get someone in trouble?”

(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

It doesn’t matter how “good” your idea is.

Ben — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 03:59:48 +0000

Once a week I get someone that comes to me and pitches me a brilliant idea. The problem is that it doesn’t matter. Before they start their pitch I know that their idea will not come to fruition. And it’s not because their idea isn’t brilliant. It’s because ANY idea is only one of 10 necessary elements that lead to success. Here are some of the things that I think are necessary to take a good idea to market:

a network of talent for hire
a dependable team or partnership with diverse talent
personal experience in project management
relationships with people in the perspective field
experience with technology
the ability to sell your product to investors and consumers
the ability to get sh*t done
confidence to be able to overcome the dips
the ability to take a risk OR to not see it as one
the ability to have a healthy relationship with your spouse and children during your idea
and finally, the ability to try out another idea when you find out that the previous one was not in fact “good”
etc. (I didn’t even mention finances)

So, the point of this post is not to discourage people who have good ideas. But ideas do not make millions. Steve Jobs was not the first person who had an idea for an mp3 player. But he did have all of the above elements to harness the power of the idea when it did come.

Ideas come and go. Of all the things on the list they are the most random to attain. Everything else on the list you can work towards. Most of the entrepreneurs I know have 15+ failed projects in their wake. But in the failure of their ideas they built up the 10 other things that harnessed the power of their 16th idea.

So, the next time you have an idea, pull the trigger. Make some phone calls, put up a website or blog, and set your alarm to get up early. Because although the idea may not pay off adding the tools to your tool belt will. And someday you’ll have a good idea AND you’ll be able to see it to fruition. THAT’s something to get excited about.

Additional Resources:

(just read the title and description on amazon)

(Malcom Gladwell presents the correlation of 10,00 hours of experience results in success)

Entrepreneurial Crash Course: 6 resources to help you think like an entrepreneur

Ben — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 18:57:27 +0000

Over the last 5 years I’ve had many conversations with aspiring entrepreneurs and people looking to break out of the 9 to 5. Here is a list of resources that seem to come up again and again that I think are worth sharing. (All of the titles link to the resource)

1. “Rich Dad Poor Dad” book – by Robert Kiyosaki

If you can get past the cheezy title and simplistic writing style this book is a good primer to break out of the “think like an employee” mindset. His most valuable concept is in defining “wealth” and explaining how to achieve it in the broadest terms. Wealthy people keep their income higher than their expenses and use the excess to accumulate assets. “Poor” people have increased expenses and accumulate liabilities feeling like it is outside of their control.

Time: 3 hours

Value: 8/10

2. ”10 Reasons you should never get a job” – Blog post by Steve Pavlina

Once again, you’ll have to get past the cocky tone and get rich quick feel of the website this is one of the most concise breakdowns of the biggest problems and most common mindsets of people who struggle with understanding entrepreneurship. The biggest problem is that, in my experience, this article does not do the best job of education or winning over people who have not made the transition.

Time: 15 minutes

Value: 8/10

3. Passion in Business (my title) YouTube Video – by Gary V

To a certain degree we’re all caught in the rat race. It can be confusing trying to figure out how to get off the hamster wheel or why we should work. Stop JUST paying the bills! This video is more inspirational and not very educational. Contains swearing.

Time: 15 minutes

Value: 7/10

4.“8 Alternatives to College” Blog Post – by James Altucher

I think it was Mark Twain who said “Never let school get in the way of your education.” A lot of entrepreneurial voices may come across as being down and school and maybe they are but, although, answers may vary I think they are asking an important question: What is the best way to learn something? I recently heard of a friends wife going to college for fashion. She wanted to design clothes. When I asked him what kind of stuff she had been making 2 years into school she said he had never touched a sewing machine. The formality of education often comes at a cost to it’s efficiency. In this article the coin is flipped over and emphasis is placed on what can be learned in valuable time that is usually deferred to school.

Time: 8 minutes

Value: 8/10

5. “The surprising truth about what motivates us” YouTube Video – by RSA Animate

One of the biggest factors in dealing with business is knowing how to deal with people. But it’s not just knowing manners and how to make friends. It’s knowing how to motivate and push people to the best of their ability. This video deals with some very nuanced complexities and has a lot of practical application to many areas of life. I have found it comes up in many conversations of trying to determine value and deal with any type of pay structure.

Time: 11 minutes

Value: 7/10

6. “Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action” TED talk YouTube video – by Simon Sinek

This video helped me make sense of 2 of my favorite brand names: Apple and Patagonia. It’s really inspirational and speaks to the value of understanding and communicating a core vision. It’s amazing with complex and dynamic business landscape how the most important things haven’t changed.

Time: 18 minutes

Value: 10/10

What are some things that you have found valuable?

Family Meeting

Ben — Wed, 18 May 2011 18:54:08 +0000

I posted a response to why we have daily family meetings on my Brother-in-law’s blog Paths of Return. You can read it HERE.

Why I don’t click “Like”

Ben — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 04:40:53 +0000

While using facebook I’m fascinated by what keeps me from pressing “like”. Here are some common reasons:

I’m perceived as a stalker.
They don’t “like” my stuff
“lik(ing)” it looks silly
I wish I didn’t like it.

Every time I push that button or make a comment I’m taking a risk that some of the above may happen. This is no different from how I operate in the rest of my life. In my interactions with people there are times when I don’t express love. Here are some reasons why:

I’ll be perceived as to soft or overly interested.
I do not feel any love back.
I have been hurt and don’t feel any love to give.
It will look silly.

Jesus said: “Love one another. As I have loved you”. If I believe that Jesus pours on me a love that is un-restrained and un-conditional it means that the risk of loving others is taken away. It means I have freedom to not give my wife the cold shoulder when she hurts me. It means I have freedom to click “Like” on facebook.

Done with Racquetball: Looking to the past and future

Ben — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 16:52:05 +0000

This last December I quit playing racquetball….for good. This was a tough decision for the following reasons:

I’ve been playing 3 days a week for the last 20+ years.
The last 10 years have been with the same group of guys and have developed some good friendships that I value. It is also something that I have been able to do with my dad consistently through childhood and adult life.
I love the sport and the consistent exercise & competition.
I am extremely competitive within the sport. At the age of 16 I was competing against the #1 player in the world for junior devision titles. In December, when I entered my last competitive tournament my and my doubles partner won a game against the #1 player in WA. I believe that with the level I was at, I was just entering “my prime”.

It is for all of these reasons that the thought never occurred to me NOT to play. But about 3 months ago I started thinking about the future implications. Here are some of those:

Racquetball takes up about 10 hours of my week (when I factor in commute time) and is fairly inflexible to time and location. This meant that I spent more effort planning around this sport than ANY other activity in my life, INCLUDING work!
The sport is not friendly to children. Most of the clubs around don’t have much access to kids. I remember playing as a kid and my dad would argue with the club owners every week when we came about the agreement he had made to allow me to play.
There’s not much potential. I’m not sure if the best racquetball player in the world makes more than 6 figures. Obviously, it’s not about the money but having children involved in a small sport means that you are limiting future involvement, competition, availability, scholarship potential, and the ability to play a sport within community.

The bottom line was this. Looking at the past made it hard to let go. But looking to the future made it an inevitable decision. I could get better and quit in 20 years but why put off the inevitable? Why not spend the next 20 years re-investing into an activity that is more family friendly and will give a better yield on our investment? So, in December I asked one of the best players in the state to be my partner in an open doubles tournament. We placed 2nd and my dad and I placed 1st. Then I said “goodbye.” Everyone said, “you’ll be back.” I don’t think I will. In the meantime my immediate health has suffered but we have taken up swimming and plan to take up tennis as a family. Thanks to everyone who played, supported, and hindered with me for the last 20 years. I have no regrets over my time and enjoyed it while it lasted.

One question to consider is how many things are we hanging on to just because we’re looking at the past? Where do you want to be in 20 years? Are your current choices taking you there?

How to Post on Craigslist

Ben — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 23:10:23 +0000

(Updated 2/10/11)

In the last 5 years I’ve probably sold $10,000 off of Craigslist. The following are some of the procedures and tips that I use.

This is how I deal with pricing. Keep in mind I am not taking into account what is the best policy for your personal ethics or for that of protecting the craigslist “community”. I will leave someone else to write about that. The purpose of this post is to discuss how you can get the most money for you junk.

Price your items high. Don’t be a desperate seller. Post it higher than you think. If you post it and get 10 offers in the first day, your price was too low. Do not reply to anybody and RAISE THE PRICE! If someone notices the same item for a higher price tell them “Sorry, I had the price wrong originally” BECAUSE YOU DID!!!
Do not negotiate on price. Negotiating with an individual is time and energy consuming and limits your ability to sense where the market is at. Write that the “Price is Firm” in the ad. Also, anytime I arrange a meeting with someone I always let them know this to let them know I am serious.
Minimize the time spent in communication. 90% of questions on craigslist are for the same issues: People wondering if the item is still available and how to reach you, If you’ll take a lower price etc. Pre-empt this by posting aparagraph for each item that lists your “terms” and how YOU operate. I don’t like posting my phone number on craigslist but I like calling prospective buyers because it saves time and eliminates email clutter so I always request that they send my phone number. This also helps filter out non-serious buyers. I always post the following at the top of EVERY ad (feel free to cut and past or customize your own):

IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THIS PRODUCT IS STILL AVAILABLE. I WILL DELETE THE POSTING THE MINUTE IT IS SOLD SO PLEASE DO NOT ASK.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS PLEASE EMAIL ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER

PRICE IS FINAL. DO NOT NEGOTIATE. CASH ONLY.

4. Be prepared to re-post weekly (when your original expires). I post a reminder on my calendar and batch as many as I have into one weekly block of time. It takes about 5 minutes to log in and get started but once I’m rolling it takes about a minute per posting, including picture. I keep my pictures organized into folders (image right) on my desktop which speeds up the entire process. At this time you can drop the price by 5-10% depending on what you perceive the demand to be or how desperate you are to make more space for your new junk.

SUMMARY:

By starting with a high price point and, not negotiating, and dropping the price incrementally you are effectively finding the exact “sweet spot” of that the market is willing to pay for you product or finding how much it is “worth.” Craigslist gives this unique ability to the seller by not having fees for listings. Essentially you are creating a free, local eBay.

Tips

Create an account. This makes posting and re-posting easier and quicker.
Use as many descriptive and brand name words in your title as you can. This helps people find your item that are searching. Cut and paste descriptions from manufactures and post links so people can compare prices … if you want them to Preempt having to answer a million questions via individual emails.
Always include pictures. I use up all 4 allowed. Zoom out, zoom in, take pictures of labels. Accuracy is more important than quality. These increase conversion as some people only click on listings that have “picture” labels and they increase trust in the seller and product. I create folder on desktop so I can re-post the listings every week in less than a minute.
Don’t negotiate on price. Price it high. Drop the price 5-10% a week. I already said this but this is the number one thing that has saved me time and made me money on craigslist.
Never provide contact info on posting. Have them provide their phone number when they email the anonymous craigslist email address.
Operate on first come first serve and be transparent about that to your inquirers.
Watch out for scams. Immediately delete anyone with crazy english or from another country that write paragraph responses. Avoid checks. If you don’t feel comfortable inviting people to your home find a third party location close by.
Tell POTENTIAL (emphasis added) buyers to call 15 minutes before they leave or show up OR assume they are not coming. Craigslist users are notoriously flakey. Do not schedule your life around them.

HOW TO BUY SOMETHING OFF OF CRAIGSLIST

Do the opposite of everything above. (via Bryce)

Letter to Dove

Ben — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 18:54:25 +0000

About 2 and a half months ago I sat in a meeting where a 55 year old mentor and and friend read a letter that he had wrote to his son 8 years earlier. It was sobering and inspiring hearing how powerful the written word can be and the process of writing and reading things that often go unprocessed and unsaid. After about 2 weeks of procrastinating I wrote my thoughts to my oldest daughter Dove. That same day we went out to Starbucks and I read it to her. I was crying, she was not. It’s hard to know who was more impacted by the process. I do know this though, the older she gets the more I think something like this will mean to her. When we were leaving the coffee shop she asked if I was going to post it online. I asked her if she thought I should. She said that she thought it would be a good thing to share for “other fathers and daughters.” So here it is.

11/1/2010

Dove,
I wanted to take the time to write down some thoughts before I forgot. Sometimes life can go by pretty quickly and before you know it a lot of time has passed. Can you believe that you’re 9 now? That may not seem like a big deal to you but to your mother and I it’s pretty crazy. It didn’t seem like too long ago that your mother had just given birth to you and I was holding you in my arms crying and we decided to name you Dove. To this day, Dove is one of my favorite names.

Well, there’s a few things I wanted to tell you because having kids is kind of strange. I think kids always think that parents know what they are doing and then when they get older they think the opposite. My guess is that over the next 10 years (and possibly even more after that) you will start to questions a lot of things and wonder about many others. My hope is that there are a few things that you will NEVER wonder about:

The first is that I want you to know that I love you. A LOT. No matter what. Did you know there’s nothing you could do that would make me not love you? If you think of the worst thing you could do, you could do it 100 times and it wouldn’t matter. There’s a good chance it would make me love you more. . .but I hope you never try to find out.

The Second thing is that your mother and I, but especially me, have a lot of problems. I know that right now we are the only parents you know about and we may seem pretty ok but as you’ll get older you’ll probably see that there are other ways of life and other ways people live. You will probably wonder why we had so mistakes that they did not and why they had benefits that we did not. There will be times that this will probably make you sad or even angry. Dove, I want you to know that it’s ok to be sad or angry with your mother and I. Did you know that we were both sad and angry with our parents? But, I hope that it doesn’t stop there for you. You see, the other more important thing I want you to know is that I am sorry. I am sorry or the ways that I hurt you and the damage we caused. The more you learn about humans the more you will come to believe in The Fall. The more you get to know your mother and I the more you will come to see that we are very much like some of the people that you see and may think you don’t want to have anything to do with. And Dove, we hope you forgive us.

And Dove, you may wonder why I am telling you all this. Well there will some a time when you think that you are different than us. Sometimes you will think that you are better, and I hope you will be. But I know there will come a time when you feel that you are worse. This is terrible and this is what it will look like. You will do something really bad. In fact it will be so bad that you will not want to tell us. You will believe that if we knew how bad it was we would be surprised and shocked and love you less. Dove, this is a lie. That’s why I wanted to go through the trouble to tell you about your mother and I. Guess what? We made you! If you’ve done something bad we’ve ALREADY DONE IT! We are the same. (I think I’m a little worse than your mother.) We’ve had the most terrible thoughts and done the most terrible things. But this is where it gets really cool. Because no matter how bad we are or how unacceptable we feel Jesus says that we’re his kids. And he’s been where we were. He was a kid. And when he finds out the bad things He loves us more. That’s how it will be with us. And whatever happens your mother and I will let you down but we all know that we have bigger parents that will be there for ALL of us.

So, Dove. I hope you remember this. I know you’ll forget but read this letter often OR make me read it when I forget. And please know that you can ALWAYS come to us. You will never be too bad. Whenever you want you can ask your mother and I and we will tell you the worse things we have done and we know you will still love us. The opposite is true as well. Isn’t the Gospel a wonderful story! Because of it I love being your Dad! I love you always, Dad
P.S. Yesterday we went to the Remlinger Farms for the Harvest Festival and then Trick ‘or’ Treating.
P.P.S. Your mother is pregnant with #5! When this baby is 9 (how old you are now) you will be 18.
P.P.P.S. I am so proud of you. I know I don’t say it often enough but you do such a good job as the eldest looking out for you brother and sisters in ways I never did. Your job is sooo important and I hope you realize your proud your mother and I are of you.

Tattoo #10 – Ship with Stars and Clouds

Ben — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 16:02:37 +0000

Location on Body: Chest

Mark Treas Inspired Art

Shop: Mother’s Tattoo in Covington, KY

Time it Took: 8 hours? Who knows? Can’t remember

Cost: $450…I think

This last year was a strange year for our family. We spent 8 out of 12 months doing (for the most part) unplanned travelling. It started with God telling us to go to Portland (where we were for almost 5 months) and ended with us in Cincinnati for about 2 months. During that time we noticed some things change about our family.

We became more and more detached to our house. We lived out of a suitcase and packed light. The question of where we “lived” took on a level of complication. Every time we would come home from traveling we would fill garbage cans full of things we once considered essential or beneficial to our lives.
We depended more and more on faith. Picking up your family of 6 to head to a city with your job, mortgage, and their education up in the air does not fall in the “common sense” category. The more we traveled in obedience in the direction we felt Jesus was leading us the more and more we found stability in faith and the less secure things like income, houses, and other temporal systems became.
We became more of a family. When we first set out for Portland by biggest fear was that we would be compromising the benefits of stability that you hear a family needs. I was prepared to pull the plug the second I felt like our family goals were being threatened. So of course it came as a surprise when the relationships within our family took on more strength and energy than we had ever seen.

The Meaning

In the Old Testament the Jews are commanded to celebrate the festival of booths, or Sukkot. It is to remind them of their 40 years wandering in the desert and how faithful God was in providing for his people. They celebrate this festival by building a “booth” and living in it for a week. The only real commandment is that the roof is to be made of organic material so they can view the stars and remember God’s faithfulness. Living in a temporary dwelling place for a week reminds them how temporary this earth is and that God alone is eternal.

The orignal art. The final had fewer stars.

As we looked back upon this year these were the lessons that we had learned in our travels. That was the inspiration behind this tattoo.

The Ship: Is a temporary dwelling place. It is not stable and is propelled by the wind. I wanted the ships sails full because in our life the Holy Spirit had propelled us in energy and direction.

The Stars: are the roof that God provided for his people in the desert. They serve as a reminder on our connectedness to Him.

The Banner: Has “Crawford”, our family name written on it. This last year was very formative for our family in becoming less and less secure in external things but more and more secure in eternal things.

The Clouds: are awesome looking.

The Process

I had sent Brian (who also did my sides and leg) the art the day before. I had not seen any of it until the day of when I showed up to the shop.

Ink and Sharpie Stencil

We got started around 4pm and went for about 8 hours. It was the most painful tattoo I’ve ever had. I took more breaks than all the other tattoos combined. I guess when most people get their chest done they do it in multiple sessions and now I know why. The very center of my chest was insane and felt like I was getting a root canal in my sternum.

I’ve made this helpful pain chart to illustrate where it hurt the most.

Those are real tears.

That night and the next day I felt sick mostly because I think my nervous system was shot. It hurt going down stairs for about 3 days because my chest was bruised and I never realized how much things bounce. Now I know how girls feel. I was extremely happy with Brian who was very patient and nailed the art and concept that I wanted. I tipped him a lot but it was worth more. The next night Kami and I took him and his wife out to pizza. It’s kind of weird having my chest tattooed now. I feel like one of those guys. Oh well, I’ve resigned to the fact that there’s labels attached to the art.

At the time of writing this it’s been almost 6 months since getting it and I can still feel the pain.

Here’s some pictures of the process.

Almost done with the outline. This (as it turns out) was the easy part.

Every second I was thinking would be the last one.

That means I was wrong about 25,000 times.

This is what it looks like right after he finished. It felt like I had been poked with a needle in the chest hundreds of thousands of times for 8 hours. ..oh wait.

This is what it looks like 6 months later fully healed. AHOY!

Regretability Scale : 0 out of 10

Family Teams Discussion

Ben — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:34:07 +0000

For the last 3 years the biggest area of change in philosophy and action has been in regards to how Kami and I see family. This is a training discussion that we lead in our home with about 20 people sharing our story and the things that have had the biggest impact on us. In short, we discuss the difference between holding a more American or individualistic viewpoint of family vs a more historical or international viewpoint of family as a multi-generational team.