4 Things I Hate About WALL-E

1. The main character were robots. We watched R2D2 and C3PO for 20+ years through 6 heart wrenching, human forming years…and we barely got attached to them! Why in the world would we get attached to 2 robots who are holding hands just because the make human sounding bleeping and boinging and shrug their robotic soldiers and blink their LED eyes over the course of 80 boring minutes?!?

Look at those sad, sad binoculars…I mean eyes. wall-e-movie

2. Is it just me, or is watching super obese people slide around on a spaceship because they’re to fat to move get old and uncomfortable?!? We get it. Orwell did it. Huxley did it. If we continue on our path we’re doomed. The thing is, they did it with a lot more thought and words and a lot less imagery. Picture 45 minutes of 400+ pound people hovering around in chairs (because they can’t walk), watching TVs less than 4 inches from their face, while sipping fast food through a straw. I guess they don’t really matter thought because I think the robots were the main characters (see point 1). Pixar or somebody must have done a good job with web patrol because, for the life of me, I can not find ONE image of these people from the entire movie on the entire WORLD WIDE WEB! Here is a pic of the hero, initiative taking captian though. It will give you a rough sketch.

wall-e-captain

3. The ending was lame. Sorry to blow it for you, but it was. 700 year after humans have left the planet they have ruined, they return to find evidence of photosynthesis which brings back the hope of dancing, oceans, and pizza plants? Sorry not compelling. I was more excited to watch a rat learn how to cook.

wall-e-boot-plant

4. It was BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNG. There were no bad guys. There were no good guys. There was nothing to be sad about and nothing that was exciting. The climax of the movie was when the two robots put the pieces of metal together that were attached to their bodies, representing arms, in a quasi-romantic “hand” holding scene. If there was a plot, it alluded me.

Of course it wasn’t ALL bad. Here were 2 things I enjoyed.

1. Pixar did a great job introducing us to “robot world.” Wall E discovering and organizing the spork, the bra, the wedding ring (which he threw away because he found the flipping mechanism on the box to be more valuable. Unfortunately this all happened in the first 5 minutes of the movie.

2. M-O (Microbe Obliterator), one of the maintenance robots who cleans the filth in the ship and inspects incoming shipments for foreign contaminants. Basically this thing has one “objective”: to sweep up dirt It rolls around with a little sweeper thing picking up every speck that it finds. This robot would not have been that interesting except it reminded me of my wife, Kami. She spends most of her life following our kids around the house with a broom and dustpan. Here’s a picture of her:wallemo2_lg1

And here’s a picture of the robot:

mypicture_2_2

Oops, sorry! Switch those.

picture-3

Please note the Angry Eyes in this picture. I see these 10 times a day at our house.

Maybe Kami needs one of these red flashing alert lights on her head like M-O

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26 Comments

Filed under Culture, Media, Video

26 responses to “4 Things I Hate About WALL-E

  1. Danice Collins

    You crack me up (except the part about Kami – help her out for goodness sakes – I get tired just thinking about cleaning up after a family). Now I know what I want for Christmas – an M-O!! You described the movie perfectly!! What in the world were they thinking?

  2. Ben

    D-
    It wouldn’t matter if I helped her out. If I started sweeping she would follow me around with a broom sweeping up after me. Seriously….look at those eyes.

  3. BC Kinetic

    What are you talking about??!! It was the greatest love story of all time! Combine that with the visual interpretation of what Huxley and Orwell failed to do with ‘words’ and you have the motion picture event of the decade! When the two robots finally got on with the hand holding – the flood gates exploded and I wept. There, I said it. Wept. Nothing can save your ice cold, baron bit of muscle you call a heart. I’ll be praying for your soul.

  4. http://filmexperience.blogspot.com/2008/12/lafca-hearts-walle.html

    LAFCA: 1

    Your crappy blog: 0

    Please, as previously suggested, grow a heart. A brain wouldn’t hurt either.

  5. BC Kinetic

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I think you hurt Matt’s feelings.

  6. Kami

    Ben: Maybe you should try helping me out and then see how it goes. Seriously, I can’t imagine you sweeping, but it makes me smile just thinking about it.

    Matt: I think part of having a brain means you have your own opinion. And that’s a good thing. You may be onto something about the heart, though.

  7. LusciousB

    Never saw WallE and I take comfort in that fact.

    Just to sound all judgmental, I think there’s a verse somewhere that says that if guys don’t help their wives out around the house, they’re worse than unbelievers….or lazy bastards in the Greek.

  8. Heather

    I have to completely disagree with you. I saw Wall-E and was pleasantly surprised with it. I enjoyed it, thought they did a good job of making the robot characters have interesting personalities, and overall, it warmed my heart. But maybe my expectations of childrens’ movies are lower than yours, so much more easily met.

  9. Heather

    Oh, and sweep the floor for Kami before you leave on vacation – what better way to start off the trip than with a gift of time and service for your precious wife?!

  10. Ben

    ok fine, 3 against one. i’ll sweep the floors.

    or maybe I can get this Matt character to do it for me. He seems pretty excited about this whole WALL-E/sweeping business.

  11. I liked Wall-E alot, but think it’s gotten a little over-rated. Thought the first half was brilliant, went downhill when they got on the spaceship and the humans were introduced. But the complaint that “it’s about robots!” has never made ANY sense to me. Since when does it matter WHAT the characters in an animated film are? Toy Story is about toys, Finding Nemo is about fish, so what? Did that prevent anyone from connecting to those characters? Almost all animated films in history have had at least a few non-human characters. What about “The Brave Little Toaster”? A lamp, a vacuum, a radio, and a toaster? The point is that they’re given human emotions and characteristics, so it doesn’t really matter WHAT they are.

  12. nate m

    wow. in my opinion- probably one of the best movies ive seen in a long time. why? simply because it somehow had within it the power to open something up in me and cause me to weep – and keep weeping – through half the film. I don’t just cry like that. having robots depict huge human emotions and realities is heavy, beautiful.

  13. nate m

    … also stoked on the portrayal of deep longing. Stick with him Kamster. :)

  14. 6 Things I like about WALL-E
    For the sake of an argument with Ben, I submit to you the following reasons why I really liked the film WALL-E, in no particular order:

    1) First and most obviously, it was a wonderful satire on American consumerism, waste and the environment. The obligatory disclaimer notwithstanding, there is a decidedly strong worldview being presented in this film, and I think it’s a good one. And I want my family to be counter-cultural when it comes to consuming stuff and conserving the earth.

    2) Pixar has given us another great fantasy film that is centered more around things other than human beings. The only other Pixar film I can think of that involves humans as the main characters is ‘The Incredibles’ and even that was, as it were, incredulous. It was a fantasy about superheros. I think fantasy stories have the power to teach us many great things. Just ask George MacDonald, Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, in that order. When it comes to fantasy and story-telling, somehow Pixar gets it, and WALL-E is no exception.

    3) It is actually a love story. It feels somewhat like an epic with the romance plot set within a greater plot of survival and the conflict therein. In this sense, it’s kind of like ‘The Village’. I don’t care that it’s between two machines operated by micro-processers. The fantasy of it all brings them to life and teaches us something about love and adventure.

    4) The acting is superb. This is based on the fact that the first half hour of the movie is like three- percent dialogue and the rest really good acting—emotion, facial expressions, action.

    5) The film contains some good metaphors about the kingdom of God: restoration, living unto one’s self vs. unto a greater purpose beyond ourselves, the sanctity of life (or organic life) as the means for multiplication and expansion, humanity needing to be saved by a Messiah-like figure (this wasn’t as apparent but still there). There’s probably more…

    6) It’s the ‘little guy overcomes all odds to win’ theme. Who doesn’t like those stories? I think Jesus would.

  15. I liked it a lot but some parts were boring.

  16. tarzanchuck

    Funny. When I read this blog post I was actually in the middle of writing a blog about why it’s not just Pixar’s best movie so far, but also one of the best Sci-Fi films to be made in a long time.

    It’s very likely to become the 2nd animated film ever to be nominated for Best Picture and it’s also the highest rated film of the year as well.

    When I first read your blog, the first thing I thought of was what Issac said. I mean, I’m guessing you’ve seen the other Pixar films. Did you dislike those for the same reason?

    My blog posting if anyone is interested:

    http://tarzanchuck.wordpress.com/

  17. Ben

    tarzanchuck,
    i loved the other pixar films. that’s why i was so weirded out by this one. rats, monsters, toys, bugs i connected with them all more than robots. you know, in reading your comment i’m starting to realize that i think it may be the story that i had no ability to connect with. even when i think back about the story there was no part of it that i really connect with. i’m interested to hear others thoughts but here are mine as far as that’s concerned:
    1. the relationship between the 2 was not enought for me to care about. wall-e was alone and wanted a companion. was there another case made?
    2. the whole plot and conflict revolved around getting back to earth. why? at least in the movie the only real case that is made is that it was a place where people used to dance and there was some cool scenery. now, i have some reason why i think earth is pretty cool but i didn’t feel this while watching the movie.
    3. most people i know would prefer to float around in chairs and watch tv. in the movie, it seemed they definitely did. to me, the story never presented a solution to why they should want to do anything different. maybe the time that the two humans touched hands and had that “spark.”

    All in all, I was fully aware when I wrote this “review” that Wall-E was a 8.4 on IMDB and, at the time, was ranking higher than Star Wars in the best movies of all times. So, as a piece of art I do not feel very qualified to bash it’s “quality” but I can say that I do not think that it was a good story or at the very least I did not find myself relating to it and for like a robot like myself that is the highest of my ranking qualification. Hence I hate Wall-E.

  18. gabe

    wow, i just watched it and was so incredibly bored!

  19. gabe

    we ended up watching the non-speaking parts in fast-forward and that helped a bit, but not much…

  20. Ben

    yeah, a couple of you have responded with it being boring. That would be my 5th thing that I hated.

  21. marktreas

    1 Think I like About Wall-E:
    Paying 8 dollars to watch a Apple Commercial…what a rip off

  22. Carolina

    Finally, somebody is willing to say the king has no clothes! Thank you for being brave enough to go against the grain and say what this movie was . . .CRAPPY! Boring, stupid, contrived . . . and this was from the people who made Toy Story?!!! That was a great movie. For all the money they are given you’d think they’d come up with something that didn’t leave us bored, and looking at our watch . . . and besides, that who’s brilliant idea was it to include a cockroach? Geez, at least make it a cricket, not a COCKROACK!!

  23. Mick

    I was also underwhelmed by this film although I enjoyed all the previous PIXAR efforts. Frankly, film didn’t have much of a story. Also, there is very little dialague or character development, so we never really care about the film. Yes, the CGI looks realilistic, but it doesn’t have the ”soul” of stop-motion or cel animation. But back to this film, suffice it to say it lacked the wit, poignancy and charm of the early PIXAR works such as TOY STORY.

  24. Mick

    Back to my earliar rant, its strange that excellent cel animation films (1999’s THE IRON GIANT, for example) go more or less unnoticed, while this gains all the attention. (Stop motion deserves the most respect of all, in my mind-it takes so much hard work and effort to produce just a few seconds of film.) Kudos to directors like Tim Burton and Henry Selik for keeping the stop motion tradition alive.

  25. jimi hoffa

    What I enjoyed about previous Pixar films (most notably Toy Story) was the witty dialague. Sadly, there was little dialague, witty or otherwise, to be found in this film.

  26. Olivia

    I was so so so so so looking forward to watching this movie, and when I saw it, to say I was disappointed with it was an understatement.

    I just…I love Pixar so much, but I did not, at all, feel like it was the “masterpiece” everyone was making it out to be. I didn’t feel like I had any risk with the characters. At all. I didn’t feel as captivated or as pulled in or as emotionally connected as I was with Finding Nemo (which remains one of my all-time favorites) or with Toy Story or with Monsters Inc. I felt I had no characters to really really REALLY connect with. It just didn’t work.

    Also, I missed the dialogue, the references, the beautiful WIT that drives so much of Pixar’s work, what I most admire them for. I thought this story was cliche, to say the least. Predictable. Not saying that Pixar’s other movies weren’t predictable, but I just felt I had seen THIS particular story soooo many times before, that I wasn’t surprised. I want to go to a movie and be in awe. And despite all the CGI, the detail, etc etc…I wasn’t awestruck. For the first time ever at a Pixar movie.

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