I imagine that this person would be a pervert. They would probably molest children. There’s a really good chance that they had raped multiple people. They would probably be on death row for murder. Murdering innocent people. On purpose. This person would not be able to live with them self they are so bad. In order to avoid dealing with the reality of their own failures this person uses many things to distract themselves. Alcohol, lots of alcohol. Drugs. This doesn’t help the problem, in fact it even makes the person do far worse things like hurt their children and their spouse. This person needs control. When they lose control they have absolutely no idea what to do. They panic and it makes them want more control, control over everything! This person doesn’t just hurt people physically. This person says things that are mean and intended to hurt people. In fact, this person has no control over what they say. That’s how bad they are. Every once in a while this person will get an opportunity to be helped and to deal with God and their own inadequacies. BUT instead of getting help this person will turn to any distraction that they can find because they are hell-bent on being the worst sinner they can be. So in those brief moments this person will get a drink or two, turn to their fantasy world, go buy things, watch a movie or television show, distract themselves with other people’s lives or turn to a human….anything…anything at all to not have to actually deal with change, to deal with God. This person worships them self. This person does not care about other people. They care about themselves more than all others and more than God. This person get’s angry. So angry they want to hurt people. This person steals things from people. This person is so demented that they steal things from God. This person is evil.
From my experience there are two main “gut responses” to the above description.
The First. Thank God that I am not that bad! I know I’m not perfect, no one is. But this person is seriously messed up. I’m a sinner and there are some similarities but there are much more differences. This person has made choices that have lead them to the consequences that they are dealing with. I have made different choices and that is why I am a better person….or at least better off.
The Second. Wow. That’s pretty bad. That’s me.
Here are what I think will be the corresponding natural result of either of those responses:
The First. Judgment. Not being “that bad” gives you the ability to look down upon others that are. Something’s got to separate you. Independence. Because you are defining yourself by your qualities and your achievements (via the lack of quality and the lack of achievement in others) you find yourself in less need than those with “bigger” problems. Less need means you need less help. Less rescuing. More pride. If there is a difference between you and this person you can’t be worse! You must be better. You don’t need as much “help” as the worst sinner. You don’t need Jesus as much.
The Second. Absolute desperation. Dependence. Feelings of inadequacy. Humility. This person needs a lot of help. This person really needs Jesus.
Are the first and second responses compatible?
My entire life has been spent living life in light of the first. For the first time, I am beginning to more closely identify with the second. In other words, I am realizing that I am the person described above. That is my biography. My story and my identity. This is what I want Jesus to rescue me from .