Comments on: On the 12 Steps of Recovery

By: Directing TCL - (Denied) « benCRAWFORDlife

Directing TCL - (Denied) « benCRAWFORDlife — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 15:43:56 +0000

[...] saw your recent posting on Facebook. I’m praying for you and your family during this difficult time and hope that you [...]

By: Will

Will — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:38:36 +0000

Dude Ben way to be open and honest about your experience, especially in such a public forum.

I’d second Stephanie’s encouragement to explore personal counseling. Emotions are not at all like business plans and bullet points, and us guys in particular have trouble identifying what the the heck is wrong with us. I’m always forgetting life isn’t only viewed from my intellectual paradigm, but also from my emotional one.

Individual counseling was was a tremendous help to me in sorting out the emotional build-up inside of me. There was no cold-frosty beverage way in hell I’d be able to learn that about myself. Also, it was a much more positive experience when I went to a counselor as an adult. As a teenager, I didn’t really want to be there, but as an adult, once I finally realized I should do this, it was a really helpful in my anger/grieving process. Definitely not easy, but one of the best things I’ve ever done.

By: dmiller777

dmiller777 — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 19:38:41 +0000

Right on man. I applaud your openness also. IN my and my wife’s journey through recovery from my sex addiction, we have come to the place where we look at recovery as a three legged stool. One leg is counseling, second leg is reading all books on recovery from sex addiction and related books, and third is to be a member of a recovery group and we feel that a Christ centered recovery group is a must as He is the only higher power that can help. This brings us to the seat of the stool..which is God/Christ.
Anyway, not preaching just sharing my experience. I’ve been in 12 step groups and not 12 step groups…and those I’ve met who are successful in recovery are those that have used professional Christian counselors who specialize in sexual addiction issues.
I’m new at this blogging thing and hope to learn how to use it to pass on my experienc along my road to recovery and the walk along the healing path and to learn more from all of the people like you on the same journey. Blessings!

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 23:55:42 +0000

Ben – this is awesome! Thank you for being so open, honest, and vulnerable with your posts.

By: travis

travis — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:28:32 +0000

we went through this book:

The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey
http://all-things-christian.com/atc/item.The-Twelve-Steps-A-Spiritual-Journey.9780941405447.htm

Our group met once a week for about 3-4 months (i think). I remember there being a lot of homework and confronting people and stuff. It was a great experience, lots of “going to dark places” in your past.

I’m currently reading “The Way of the Wild Heart: A Map for the Masculine Journey” by John Eldredge.

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Wild-Heart-Masculine-Journey/dp/0785206779

It’s surpassing my expectations…we should talk soon.

By: Ben

Ben — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:57:54 +0000

travis, yeah I remember “Jonsey.” He was the only black guy in Newport Beach. Yeah, I remember hearing about people at Mariners going through the 12 steps. I never knew what they were talking about. How long did it take you? I’m wondering did it bring up a lot of things with your past, parents, and especially your dad? I’d like to talk to you more about that.

By: Charles Dean

Charles Dean — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:18:06 +0000

Yeah, let’s get together sometime. It’s been awhile anyway.

By: travis

travis — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:03:38 +0000

dude, excited to here you are walking down this path. I was in a small group in college (lead by Eric Jones, you remember him?) and we did a mini 12-step program…be prepared to have a lot of emotional vomit on your shoes : )

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 15:55:25 +0000

PS – but it has to be “good” counseling. There is a lot of bad counseling out there. We can also talk about what good vs. bad counseling looks like if you want.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 15:48:15 +0000

Ben, definitely. Btw I’m so proud of what you’re doing as far as beginning to wrestle with emotional things. I say I think you would benefit so greatly from counseling because you are (like you said) in fact starting that process, starting to grapple with your adversions and fears. 12 step things are really great and I am so glad they exist. They are also very different in pretty marked ways from counseling with a trained therapist. The 12 step thing is wonderful, and I think you can benefit even more substantially from full-on therapy. David did it recently and the change in him has been pretty huge. And speaking for myself I wouldn’t trade being in therapy for anything. It’s making me more conscientious of my idols, my parenting, my relationships, and like a dozen other things. It’s amazing and difficult at times but so incredibly rewarding and SO EXCITING! And I loved that you said in your post that you’re really excited too! Anyway, we should get coffee and talk more about this.