May 19, 2012

How To Start a Book Club Today


Reading a book in community allows us to share the experience of a great book,  learn from others, and even provides motivation to make it to the end. But starting a book club can be daunting. Reading books that you’re not interested in or organizing large groups of people to find a time and place and set a pace can make it all not worth it. Here’s 5things that I have tried that have worked. 

  1. One person needs to decide to read the book first. Then invite others.This is important. People get frustrated when deliberation slows them down. If no one responds to the invitation, no loss. If people respond, you’ve created an opportunity.
  2. Go for smaller groups. 2 People is enough. 3 may be better. When you start to get into 4-5+ it becomes to be difficult to maximize an hour and plan a regular meeting.
  3. Structure the club around one particular book. That way you are only committing to a book that everyone is excited about. At the end of the book disband. If everyone is excited about the same book start another meeting but this provides the opportunity to add people and for people to step out.  Continue reading →

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April 23, 2012

Something to brag about besides obedient kids.

Yesterday my my two oldest girls and I talked for almost half an hour. They poured their hearts out to me and each other and at one point all three of us were crying. It was one of my proudest moments as a father but it wasn’t always this way. Among parents (and especially among religious, traditional, or intentional parents) there is so much pressure to raise good and obedient children. Our proudest moments are when we hear things like “Oh you’re children are so well behaved” or “You’re children are so quiet”. And, as a result, the majority of our energy goes into reinforcing  this behavior and our biggest fears become the moment at the grocery store or in front of friends when a child freaks out or rebels.

But our proudest parenting moments should not be about obedience, they should be about intimacy. This was modeled to us by a God in the Bible who wanted to walk with his children in a garden. He brought them to a mountain to see them but they sent a representative. He wanted to rule them directly but they preferred a king. The more this happened obedience began to replace intimacy in our relationships with God. It has also done this in our parenting.

What’s the alternative? To begin to prioritize the type of relationship with children where we draw them to our hearts. In doing this we model how our God draws us to his heart. Instead of freaking out about disobedience start freaking about the patterns and moments where we resort to behaviors and wrote verbage to feel good. To begin to brag about how close the Heavenly Father wants to be with us and how close we want to be with our children. As our children draw closer to our heart and the heart of The Father they will become obedient. But they will also become more compassionate and humble. And a whole bunch of other things that just following rules never seems to accomplish.

PHOTO: Grandpa with grandkids on lap at Speghetti Factory.

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April 16, 2012

You’re All Loved the Most: A response to sibling competition

Yesterday we split the kids up for a few hours. They each got a separate experience and when they came back together they each started bragging about how special their’s was. Eden said that she got a full hour on the computer. Dove and Seven said that they got ice cream and hung out with their cousins. Today we sat down and talked about it.

We asked them why that was the first and most important thing to share. Seven blurted out “we wanted the other person to feel bad.” Kami and I asked why. None of the kids knew the answer. So I shared with them why. Deep down we’re all afraid of being loved the least. That’s why it’s hard for us to see others succeed or to have more stuff or happiness than we have.  But the way to combat this destructive force is not just to create rules and boundaries. It’s to un-do the lie that each child is not loved the most. So, this morning we asked our kids the question :Which of you is loved the most? After 3 or 4 incorrect answers Seven got it right. He said “we ALL are loved the most”. It’s true. At least we would like it to be. I think the degree to which us as parents believe that we are all loved the most will determine how we can pass this love on to our children. Then they(we) will be able to celebrate in each other’s joy instead of feel threatened by the love that they are not receiving.

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April 5, 2012

Why we moved to Kentucky…

This is a newsletter we wrote for our friends, family, and neighbors… 

CLICK TO ENLARGE

CLICK TO ENLARGE Continue reading →

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March 16, 2012

Holy Rollers

Our Documentary was released this last week on DVD and on the internet. It’s all over itunes, amazon, etc  and instead of posting a million links you can find them all HERE. 

There’s a lot of mixed emotions about the doc but I’ve decided to post them on our blackjack training website so if you want to read some paragraphs of what it’s like having your life documented, re-arranged, edited at someone else’s whim and then broadcasted to the entire critic, religious, and professional world.

You can read that blog post by clicking here. 

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January 8, 2012

Eliminate Tattle Taling [INFOGRAPH]

 

Explanation of INFOGRAPH

If you are a parent of multiple children, your children tell on each other….all…the…time. It goes something like this:

One child comes and tells you that another of your children broke a rule. Then our immediate response is to play detective, figure out which rules were broken, and try and enforce the rule that was broken with the child that broke the rule ….when we have the energy.

I’m starting to believe that the majority of parenting should be directed towards molding the hearts of our children. I have also come to believe that the majority of our energy is spent modifying behavior and surviving situations.

We are teaching  our children  that the state of their actions takes precedent over the state of their heart. To take the story of the prodigal son we are rewarding our children for being the rule following older son who respects the rules instead of the rule-breaking younger son.  It’s not to say that rules are not important or should not be taught but there is a much more difficult and valuable lesson that underlies it all.  The far greater lesson of this story and each instance with our children is the opportunity to present them with the love of the Father God and the impact that this has in giving us compassion and a desire to pass this love on.  How do we do this?

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that dealing the VERY common instance of tattle tailing is the quickest way to undersand and implement change. And instead of facilitating and even encouraging children to come and turn other children in on the basis of rules we should start to look at the hearts of both children; the one doing the reporting and the reported.

Here’s a loose framework of the process with some notes in yellow but it all begins with the question of trying to understand the heart of the reporting sibling by asking “Are you trying to help or just get someone in trouble?”

(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

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September 14, 2011

It doesn’t matter how “good” your idea is.

Once a week I get someone that comes to me and pitches me a brilliant idea. The problem is that it doesn’t matter. Before they start their pitch I know that their idea will not come to fruition. And it’s not because their idea isn’t brilliant. It’s because ANY idea is only one of 10 necessary elements that lead to success.  Here are some of the things that I think are necessary to take a good idea to market:

  • a network of talent for hire
  • a dependable team or partnership with diverse talent
  • personal experience in project management
  • relationships with people in the perspective field
  • experience with technology
  • the ability to sell your product to investors and consumers
  • the ability to get sh*t done Continue reading →

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